What about the what if's?

Lately I have been constantly thinking of the future. Thoughts flood my mind of how fast time has gone since I graduated and how I need to make plans and prepare. The what if's begin to take over. What if this ministry doesn't spread and grow? What if I don't find a stable income or a "real job"? What if I'm not able to get married and have a family soon? What if I do and I'm not prepared to help support it? The list goes on and on. Constantly being around families that I nanny and babysit, seeing the parents working and supporting the kids makes me worry about the future. I am on a time line and only have so much time right? Should I go back to school and get another degree? If not then where do I find a job for a lifetime? All these thoughts feel my mind and then I hear that still small voice softly whispering in my ear. And I hear The Lord say to me:

Didn't I make time? Aren't I all knowing? Haven't I told you to only worry about today for it has enough worries of its own? Tomorrow is not promised and I am. Ashlee, I am. I am the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, the way the truth and the life. So come rest with me a while and ill extend your time. I go before you and know now what you'll do then. So do not fear, for I am with you. My rod and my staff comfort you. You might walk through the valley of the shadow for death but I am with you. Ill anoint your head with oil and overflow your cup. In the presence of your enemies. So again I say do not fear.

So when you begin to ask the what if questions, stop and see what The Lord has to say for you. No more what if's, listen to the I am. That's what my new journey entails!

It is marveling how in the very midst of one wonderful thing there can be tragedy and in the center of something horrible there can be peace. For instance wherever there is a death in the world, at that same moment a birth is occurring. In the ending of a caterpillar there is a beginning of a butterfly and so on. Recently I saw this as I had just finished my live at 9 segment on Channel 3 in Memphis and was in the middle of an interview with Mary Beth Conley on the radio when I received shocking news. Someone very close to me was going through abuse.

And he said let the little children come

Wow, what an amazing and crazy coupe of weeks it has been. I was so blessed by The Lord to talk about my ministry and testimony on Bott Radio and the Loretta Mcnary Show before my Cd release part in Memphis this past weekend. It was amazing to see how, even though God had held me back for a while, when the time was right He just exploded Beauty out of Ashes ministry with blessing after blessing. We had about 80 people show up at the release, when I had worried if a few would. And God truly spoke through me to speak to the hearts of people. I didn't know what to say but He did and it was wonderful to step out in faith and see him work. To see how my hurts and trials could make a difference in other people's lives was overwhelming.

After the show we went out to eat and our kind waiter asked if we were celebrating anything. My mother of course bubbling over with excitement told him we had just come from my first cd release party. When I told him more about the ministry he asked of he could buy a cd. I was shocked. We brought in a cd and prayed for him, finding out his mother had passed away a year ago. It is so crazy how when you open yourself up, others will as well. And in turn you all can be held through Christ.

Currently I am working on the music video for beauty out of ashes and making a promo video from the release show to send to church in hopes of going to them to speak. So I ask for your prayers during this next step.

Finally I just wanted to share a story from a typical day in my life as a nanny that I think relates to how God sees us. So I was driving in the car with Hayes, the six year old I watch. He began to talk about Heaven. He had been at Vacation Bible School that week and wanted me to know how when people die they go to heaven. Then He said something that caught me by surprise. He said, "I think God has lost Some of His magic" I looked in the rear view mirror at him and asked why He would say that. He explained that he had made birthday wishes when he blew out his candles that still had not come true. Trying to encourage Hayes I said you know sometimes God doesn't answer prayers or wishes right off. he may wait til it's the best time or He might know that it could hurt us. God didn't loose any magic Hayes, just trust He knows best and will make your wishes into awesome things you wouldn't believe.

I think that sometimes were like Hayes to God. At least I know I am. I pray and beg God for something. When it doesn't happen I think that He "lost his magic", but in reality He has a plan bigger than I could fathom and a better, more diffident way to do it. So hold on and just go to him like a child. He will fulfill all your desires in time!

The path less taken

Have you ever felt as a Christian that you have the difficult path? It feels like everyone else just has it so easy and that they don't even have to try? I sure have! I find myself looking at other people's lives enviously and asking God why can't I have it easy like them? They don't even seem to care about Your will God and I'm over hear pouring my heart out. I feel like I'm getting no where! Everytime this happens I am reminded by that still small voice that our treasures are not stored up here on earth but in heaven. Another important fact that I so easily forget is that he didn't say it would be easy but rewarding in the end. As I give to others, sacrifice my time, and give up selfish wants, God will bless that. Maybe not right now and right in this life but it is seen and cherished by our father. The road less traveled is obviously less traveled for a reason I see, it isn't easy but it's eternal.

Do you want More?

This past weekend I had the wonderful privileged of attending the MORE conference at my church here in Nashville called Grace Center. I must say I have never left a session there and not been blown away, rocked by God, or brought to tears. So Saturday morning I go in and meet up with the amazing college group from Memphis that drove in for the conference and we sit down ready for God to work. The speaker, who is a modern day prophet, begins by comically drawing the audience in with funny stories of the Lord working in mysterious ways through people's lives, but then he transitions. He begins talking about this church he visited that had lost it's fire and passion. The pastor there told him that if he didn't stir up revival then the pastor planned on quitting. Blown away by this remark he began to witness, he told the church to break free from this bondage of everyday life and freely live in God's grace. After he preached on this subject a while longer he looked out in the crowd. He invited all to come forward who felt they needed a new flame, to take God out of the box, and wanted to break free. I felt myself jump up and run forward. He then began to speak over us, "You are designed to be known and to know, you are called to write history and be significant and to be world changers of the Lord." You all have a purpose and Satan is trying to shatter that by making you believe your plans are too big and not possible. But God is a God of the impossible and of the more! The first thing Satan attacks is your joy because the joy of the Lord is our strength and without it we can't fight. He began to pray over our passions as performers and told us to start striving for them again today. Praying over our flames to be rekindled and our hope to be restored. As this happened tears streamed from my eyes, because I realized how scared and lost I have been feeling. Graduating with no set future is a fightful place to be and I had begun to think that God's plan for me wasn't as big or important as I'd hoped. This was a lie from the pit of hell. God has plans for me to prosper with hope and a future! Jeremiah 29:11. So today I just want to encourage you. Whatever stage of life your in and how lost you feel, God has a purpose for you. Acts 3:19-21 tells us that all we have to b=do is repent and He will refresh us and we will receive. He wants us saved, yes, but He also wants us converted into a likeness of Him! So ask and receive more, because our God is a god of the more!

Mountains and Valleys

Hello beautiful people!

Sorry I missed my weekly blog last week! It has been a bit of a whirl wind. To make up for it I will make this blog twice as long ;)

From graduating college after four grueling years to going to the ER with my boyfriend, Nathan, it's been a crazy ride. First off let's start at the beginning of the chaos with graduating. The week before was filled with stressful finals and deadlines. I actually failed an exam after studying for over 8 hours for it. I have this ability to know exactly how an interview, test, exam, or meeting has gone as soon as I leave it and I knew when I was taking this exam that I had failed it. I came out devastated and frantic that I wouldn't graduate. I called my mom, who acted as a God sent that day and told me to go back in and confront the teacher. I was so nervous to speak to him because it had been a difficult situation all semester. I walked in palms sweaty and about to cry. I told him I needed to know my grade and asked if he would please grade it for me so I'd know if I was going to pass and graduated. He began marking red all over the exam, along with making remarks to why each question was obviously wrong. Water filled me eyes as I choked the tears back. He finished writing a big 52 over the test and looked up with an unhelpful glare. I asked him if this grade along with my other tests was failing and he said yes. There was only one extra credit that would give 10 pts and if that didn't help then he couldn't help me. We calculated it and it came out to a 70, which is the lowest point of a C, and meant passing! I wouldn't believe God's grace with this circumstance. I spend four hours to write the most elaborate extra credit paper of my life and passed!

So from there I had only to sail through the wonderful time of my sweet family traveling from Memphis to my graduation and my 7 amazing roommates throwing me a graduation party. We made these awesome chocolate dessert in the shape of graduation caps out of Hersey bars, Reeses as the hat and mini m&m's, and sour straws as the tassels. After that memorable party we woke up to head to Destin, FL for a spectacular graduation trip with the family and Nathan. We got there and spent hours on the beach, tanning, making sand castles (that were imploded by Nathan digging to deep of a moat), snorkeling, seadooing and seeing 1 dolphins and two baby dolphins, and more! My extended family even threw me and Nathan a party while we were there, with more food than we could look at and sweet cards filled with love.

The graduation and trip were certainly a mountain high, but there was another valley to pass through. The night before we were to fly back at 7am Nathan got really sick. So much so that we had to go to the ER. The doctor was of no help and treated us with no respect. We had waited four hours to come and it was midnight. I knew Nathan wasn't faking this pain and yet this doctor thought he was. We left with some prescribed Advil, but after it was four in the morning and nothing had changed we went back. The doctor was so rude with his comments of unbelief. I felt my heart race and my blood curdle. I wanted to scream at him that as a doctor this was his responsibility to care and help the sick. He didn't look at Nathan or my mom, but at me. Asking me all these questions and saying if he gave anymore medicine then it would be my job to help Nathan the airport and my responsibility if anything happened. I agreed. The shot was given and Nathan finally seemed more at peace, but still in pain. Finally we left, and after many more hours, made it through the airports and planes to home.

All of this seems awful I know, but the part that stands out to me is that when Nathan was in pain and hurting he prayed. As I sat next to him I could hear him say that He knew God could heal him and if He could at least take the heat away he would be grateful. Then Nathan asked me to check if the fever was gone and it was! God is good. Even in the valleys He hears our prayers. We might not understand it, but He always answers. It might be a yes or a no or a wait, but he always answers. This world is fallen and things happen that God does not will, but He is always there with us and above all He loves us.

Silver Linings

I heard a story today in church that pretty much sums up the thoughts I have been having lately. The story was about a girl flying back from a mission trip in Africa. She sat next to a man and they began to talk. She asked him what his trip had been for a mistakenly thought he said a worship conference. She was so delighted that she began to share in her interest of the Lord, only to realize he had been there for a business conference and had never heard of the things she was telling him about. His jaw dropping as she told him that she had spent her time there healing the sick, prophesying to all, and worshiping Jesus her Savior. He asked to know more and so she gave him her Bible and he read for hours on the flight back. When they arrived home he said that he wanted to prophecy as well. She said of course, but first you must have a relationship with Christ. He eagerly agreed and she prayed not only for his salvation, but for the gift of prophecy and for the anointing of the Holy Spirit!

As you can guess this touched my heart and every persons in the congregation. Something that it also made me realize is that this wonderful event came from a mistake. The girl misunderstood the man and this lead to his conversion. So many times in life I feel like a mistake, an accident, or something done wrong can lead to a beautiful outcome and discovery.

For example this weekend I accidentally out my cell phone in the washer with my clothes. I was so mad at myself and couldn't believe how dumb it was of me to have wasted a perfectly good phone by not paying attention. It hasn't even been over 24 hours and I have realized God allowed my to make that mistake for a reason. He wanted more time with me. I never have noticed how much time I spend on my phone and how much I depend on it. Driving from place to place I call family and friends, I use it for music when exercising, and constantly text, email, fb message, and call people from it. As I walked around feeling like I was missing a limb I began to notice things. In the car I listened to KLove and began to pray. Then today I went for a run and instead of hearing music through my earphones, I heard the creek trickling by, the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and squirrels scampering past. I felt like I could here God saying Ashlee I wanted you to see what you've been missing. I began to pray again telling the Lord how overwhelmingly beautiful he creation of nature was and how thankful I was for this new vision. I then went to church with no desire to check my phone of the time or to text. It was so revealing.

Now I know this mistake wasn't huge, but I hope it is a small example of how God, in His infinite power, can bring good out of any situation. No matter what has happened to you or how bad it seems, look for the light and it will overwhelm you with love and compassion. For His grace is sufficient.